How to not care what people think

side chats

Earlier this week, right after my (Rachel’s) blog post on Tuesday about the worst thing you can do if you’re looking for a job, we got a reply that went something like:

What are you two really about? Get jobs the both of you! Sending out rubbish like these emails is criminal in itself. What has the world come to?!”

(Aside: This did not hurt my or Kristen’s feelings. Maybe it’ll surprise you to hear it, but we’ve seen worse. Mostly, it just made me chuckle. Because after years of building a business and helping hundreds — if not thousands — of people, I finally make more money doing what I love than any job I had before this. I also work harder for this job — because I care so much — than any job I ever had. So really, this is actually the most legit job I’ve ever had, and the last thing I need to do is get a “real” job … but anyway.)

We deleted this person from our list because they were clearly in the wrong place. They’re entitled to think we’re “rubbish,” but they can do so without receiving our weekly emails from now on.

And, about an hour after receiving that lovely bit of hate mail, we got this:

Thank you so much for writing this, it has made my entire day. I could not have received this in my inbox at a more convenient time, as it holds so much relevance in my life right now! I am so blessed to have come across Clarity on Fire!”

People, man. A few will hate you enough to tell you about it, a few will love you enough to tell you about it, and the vast majority don’t feel strongly enough to tell you anything at all.

HOW TO NOT CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK

We thought it was high time for another side chat, and because we ALL have to deal with what other people think (about us, about everything) day-in and day-out … this feels like something all of us need.

We’re sharing:

  • Some other kinds of feedback we’ve gotten from people, and how we responded,
  • How to feel VERY differently about receiving both criticism and praise
  • Why what people think isn’t about you (and how to actually believe that),
  • and more, of course!

This one’s about 20 minutes, which is the perfect length for your commute, a short walk, or a break from the office.

{Press play to listen now, or download by clicking the arrow in the top right corner.}

And after you’ve listened … let us know how you intend to take it to heart, in the comments!

Much Love,

Rachel + Kristen

P.S. NEVER HEARD OF SIDE CHATS?

As you can imagine when two best friends run a business together, there’s SO MUCH MORE good stuff — insights, revelations, struggles — that we’re talking about behind the scenes than what you’re reading in blog posts and #ClarityGems.

Our random back-and-forth conversations — while we’re supposed to be “working,” while we’re eating tacos, while we’re chilling in sweatpants on the couch — aren’t planned at all, and that’s why they’re good … anything can and does come up.

We always find ourselves having these good conversations and thinking, “It’d be cool if people could listen in to this, fly-on-the-wall style.”

So, we decided to just press “record” and start sharing with you.

We’re calling these “Clarity on Fire Side Chats,” and there’s no big plan for them. When inspiration hits, which is usually at random, we’ll press record and share another with you. The freer it flows, the better it usually is, anyway!

Enjoy!

Oh, and if you didn’t catch our first Side Chat — it was about that sneaky desire to want to “fast forward” through the hard parts in life — here you go!

11 Comments // ADD COMMENT

11 comments

  • Ml stockwell

    Oh my gosh this came at the perfect time!!!! You are wonderful!!! Thank you❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • Rachel

      Love when that happens! Glad it hit you at just the right time. 🙂

  • Sarah B

    Your blog and side chat were great. Thinking about what you said made me realize that I have actually been waiting for “permission” to not care too much about what others think about me or my work.

    Thanks for that clarity!

    • Rachel

      Hey Sarah! Well, I hope this counts as the “permission” that you needed. 😉

  • Sandy

    Love this! I am preparing a meeting for my team that discusses mirroring and your comments about what other people say is about them and what you hear is about you were perfectly timed! Thanks for your help!

    • Rachel

      You’re welcome, Sandy! And I’m so glad you’re talking about this in a meeting. This is such a great thing for people to hear, especially in a work setting.

  • Roxanne

    The challenge you’ve given us is SO HARD! But I love it! And I’m inspired – I’m going to take a big risk that I’ve been putting off for a while, and I’m not going to care about what other people think!! You ladies are the best – I feel like I’m listening to my two big sisters giving me advice!

    • Rachel

      Thank you, Roxanne! Neither of us has little sisters, so we’re happy to give you advice in a big-sisterly way. 😉 Good luck!!

  • Monica

    I LOVED your side chat! I felt like I was with you guys! Totally aligned! I loved the message as well. I’m struggling with self esteem and caring what others think is daily battle. I’m getting better and stronger in believing in myself but it’s so reassuring to read, and now listen to you! Thank you! ?

  • Clarity on Fire

    […] could write a separate blog about caring too much what people think (though we did record a Side Chat about that recently), but I really mean … don’t care too much what future employers might […]

  • Cathi

    Wow, I am thankful for stumbling across your website. Thank you too, for this fire side Chat. All my life i have feared “feed back” or as it was called when i was in school “constructive criticism.” I always thought it meant people didn’t like me. While age has helped me let go of the need to be liked by everyone and a good bit of people pleasing, I still fear “feedback.” Your suggestion to put what is said through my own value filter before taking it to heart was thought provoking and very useful to me.
    And the thing about paying to much attention to all the praise opened a whole nother can of worms…Needless to say I will be back, I like the way you make me think! 🙂