For the sake of simplicity, imagine for a moment that there are only 2 basic types of people in the world:

The people who “make it” and the people who will perpetually struggle to “make it.”

The ones who “make it” are the ones who get what they want, whose dreams inevitably become reality, who seem to be happy most of the time, who live in a state of relative ease and contentment. They’re, you know … the people you want to be.

And the ones who don’t make it … they’re constantly suffering. Getting where they want to go feels like hard work. They’re totally aware of their issues, they talk about them a lot, but nothing ever seems to go anywhere.

Sooo … why are some people inevitably going to make it, while others are bound to struggle?

THE ANSWER TO THAT IS IN A BRAND NEW SIDE CHAT!

When you’ve been coaching for years, the natural result is a LOT of anecdotal evidence about why people are the way they are.

We’re sharing …

This one’s about 20 minutes, which is the perfect length for your commute, a short walk, or a break from the office. You can either play it right here on the page, or download and save it for later.

{Press play to listen now or download by clicking the arrow in the top right corner.}

And after you’ve listened … we’re challenging you to answer a few questions in the comments, so share your answers with us below!

Have you heard all of our Side Chats? If not, check out our Side Chats Archive here.

NEVER HEARD OF SIDE CHATS?

As you can imagine when two best friends run a business together, there’s SO MUCH MORE good stuff — insights, revelations, struggles — that we’re talking about behind the scenes than what you’re reading in blog posts and #ClarityGems.

Our random back-and-forth conversations — while we’re supposed to be “working,” while we’re eating tacos, while we’re chilling in sweatpants on the couch — aren’t planned at all, and that’s why they’re good … anything can and does come up.

We always find ourselves having these good conversations and thinking, “It’d be cool if people could listen in to this, fly-on-the-wall style.”

So, we decided to just press “record” and start sharing with you.

We’re calling these “Clarity on Fire Side Chats,” and there’s no big plan for them. When inspiration hits, which is usually at random, we’ll press record and share another with you. The freer it flows, the better it usually is, anyway!

Enjoy!

Much Love,

Kristen + Rachel


P.S. WE’RE ON SPRING BREAK!

There’s no blog today — just this lovely new side chat — because we’re taking a spring break! We’re also skipping this week’s #ClarityGem, which we usually post on Thursdays. We’ll see you again next Tuesday with a brand new blog. 🙂

38 comments | add a comment | Share this > Tweet this > Email this >
  1. I very much appreciated this chat. It really spoke to the core issue I feel I have been facing in the past few years – lack of follow through. I don’t have a lot of specific dreams or goals I’ve been talking and not walking… if anything I get notions periodically, like, ‘I should eat healthier and take up yoga,’ and I’ll buy the yoga mat and some veggies – but then never use them. I signed up for an online class, forgot about it for several months, and then stopped it after losing interest in it after only 30% of the content.
    But anyway, in short, my answers to your concluding questions:
    1) Fear of stagnation is definitely winning right now. 2) I’ve been considering changes and better habits but not making them happen. 3) I’m introspecting more, getting coaching, and will have to ensure accountability.

    1. Jen — I can attest to the fact that you’re someone who definitely follows through, even if you feel like you don’t sometimes (which is normal!). I think the important thing is that you are SO willing to keep questioning the status quo, and do uncomfortable things in the name of what’s right for you!

  2. I’m more afraid of being stagnant because then I will never know what I could have done or missed out on. I know I can do so much in the unknown but where do I start? How? This is where I get stuck, wheels spinning, no direction, limited time, ripple effect, etc…Clarity is key! How do you go from confusion to clarity?

    1. Shirley — I wish I had an easy breezy answer to your GREAT question about “how do you go from confusion to clarity?” Of course, that’s what we spend weeks on in the PPVE — and months on when we’re coaching someone! — but I think it starts with getting clear on your values. A lot of us can’t tell the difference between what WE really want and are attracted to, and what other people what FOR us, or what we’ve been “taught” we “should” want or do, but don’t *really* feel aligned with that. I think a lot of people’s confusion lies in the grey space between where other people end, and where they themselves begin. Asking yourself, “What would I do…” or “What would I allow myself to pursue … if what people thought was irrelevant?” is a good place to start.

  3. Fear of the unknown is what gets me. It is not a crippling fear but what sets in right before I am about to act. I push though it!

    I have been working on my follow though and parenting of myself over the last year. I am happy to report that the only thing I am lacking is hitting the Yoga mat as often as I like.

    1. That’s awesome, Nikki! You could certainly be doing worse than missing the yoga mat every once in a while. And maybe it’s a matter of getting more accountable to your yoga practice, or maybe it’s as simple as just doing ANY form of exercise regularly. Either way, you’re doing great!

  4. Hi Guys,
    I just turned 30 on the 27. I would just like to say that I am definitely afraid of stagnation, I am currently working as an Environmental Officer for the government of Jamaica and I really hate my job and I don’t see a growth in this field for me. I am so very passionate about nutrition and I have decided to become a Registered Dietitian. I am afraid to sit in this stagnation for the next five years. I find myself going to the bathroom at work and saying to myself what have you done with your life and why are you here!!! .. I just feel like I would just walk out of my job into the unknown. So I have applied for school in the united states to study dietetics. One school has already told me that they can’t accept me so I am waiting on the others and I want to do even two more applications just to be sure. I have no money and I am in debt but I am willing to take a loan for the next 4-5 years to make this dream come true. Many person’s say don’t take a loan just settle with what u have going but they wouldn’t understand. I will gladly spend the rest of my life in the career that I love and paying back my student loan. There is always something that you will be paying for but if it is making you happy and content then it is worth it. I can’t use other persons experience, I just have to follow my own gut. I would say so far I am following through and I have to make sure that I don’t stop. Also I have decided to study in my own country if the overseas institutions doesn’t work out.

    The thing that I am not quite following through with would be my relationship and we all know how complicated those can get. I want a decent husband as we all do. I have looked at my faults and where I am always going wrong whether just choosing the wrong type of men or my own issues. I am working on being a high status woman but it can be rough. I am trying not to be needy but u know us women can be but I believe that if I focus more on my career that would definitely help. I think the problem women face most times is that we are looking for a man to make us happy and that is just asking for too much and downright impossible, we have to make ourselves happy first, own true independent happiness then a man can come into the picture.
    I have been in a relationship for a year now and I would marry this guy but I feel like he is not very interested in me based on actions. we have a long distance relationship but I feel like I deserve more attention and I think I can get it, he just doesn’t have that oomph for me . I am watching things for a while longer to see if there will be any change and see if his promises will follow through. The problem I face is fear, afraid that I may give up on something potentially great but in the interim I am not happy, I am just settling. I want to be strong and just let go if I have to. In this scenario I am afraid of the unknown more than the stagnation. Hope my comment wasn’t packed with too many errors

    1. Hey Tracey Ann — I’m so excited that you’ve decided to go back to school! You’ve made so many goo points in your comment, especially when it comes to taking on debt and leaving other people’s opinions out of your decision. I like what you said about, “You’re always going to be paying for something, so you might as well do something that makes you happy.” I couldn’t agree more! I don’t think people should take on debt unnecessarily, or for reasons that aren’t good, but I think if it’s for a cause you’re passionate about, that’s a great reason. And besides, debt isn’t good or bad … it just IS. It’s the intention behind the debt that matters most.

      And TOTALLY trust your gut when it comes to your current relationship. If you suspect that it’s not the right long-term relationship, you’re right. I also completely agree that when you’re happy and fulfilled in other ways — especially in your career — that you’ll be in a better place to attract the kind of relationship you’re looking for. A lot of the time our discontent in one area of our life spills over into another, and makes us a bit desperate and too likely to settle. So focus on YOU for a while! I promise that when the timing is right, things will fall into place in all areas of your life. Just keep on pursuing what makes you feel good! 🙂

  5. Fabulous ladies, a very interesting Side Chat. I definitely lack follow through – I have hundreds of ideas passing through at a rapid pace…one minute I have enough enthusiasm and energy to take over the World, the next I am so overwhelmed with options, I’m paralysed. I have extremely bold moments i.e head off travelling at a moment’s notice, give up bill paying job without a back up plan (current situation) due to a fear of stagnation and not fulfilling potential, but I need my butt whipping for actually doing anything constructive! Despite enjoying being really busy and working hard – my own worst enemy. People call me brave but I’m yet to actually prove that, and time is ticking and my back balance is dropping. But I do believe anyone can turn it around at the point they really dedicate themselves to the cause and just stop procrastinating…simple right?!

    1. I have no doubt that you’re brave, Lex. It just sounds like you’re SO afraid of stagnation that you’re afraid to commit to anything for too long. But here’s the thing … for someone who’s so unwilling to settle, I promise that stagnation won’t just sneak up on you. It’s not going to catch you unaware. It’s OK to commit to something for a while, because I think you’re the kind of person who could see settling coming from a mile away! I also think it’s OK for you to just pick one thing and go with it for a while. You’re not going to lose out on all of the other options, which I know is what it can feel like at times. And you’re not committing to anything FOREVER, remember. You’re just committing to something for NOW, and you can pivot and adjust as you go.

  6. I am more afraid of stagnation, I left my “stagnant” job in 2015, and have been working for myself full time, which was a hard step for me, leaving a steady income. I don’t follow through a lot on things like courses that I buy or things that I want to read about how to better market my business, and I really need to follow through more on those because I think that will help me grow!

    1. Angie — I’d suggest just picking ONE of the things you’re having a hard time following through on and do that until the end, then move on to the next thing. I think it can be REALLY hard to follow through when we feel spread too thin! So give yourself permission to focus on the thing that feels most necessary right now. You’ll get a lot more out of focused commitment to one thing for a short time than you will a scattered, unfocused approach to a bunch of things, that just ends up falling apart after a while. Good luck!

  7. Awesome Side Chat! You are both so talented. It’s crazy because I feel like you know what I have been craving to hear with each blog post.

    I think my frustration comes with wanting things to come together at a faster pace. Ever since college ended, it feels like self-discoveries and skills happen at a sloth-like pace. It’s been almost three years, and I am still fighting for that first good paycheck. Ungrateful? Maybe….Impatient? Totally….

    So in answering your questions. I feel like I keep talking about this career growth and financial stability, but not manifesting the change I seek. And I think it has to do with the fact that I don’t know what that looks like. Specifically not knowing how to get there, what that job will be, and the fear of missing out. Ugg.

    P.S. I love that you guys are in NOLA right now. Pretty city with lots of yummy food 🙂
    Ooo try this new hard root beer called Bayou Bootlegger Hard Root Beer. It’s soo good. But it maybe nationwide now…anyways it’s really good!

    1. Thanks, Rachel! I love that we somehow keep having the perfect message for you at the perfect time! 🙂

      You’re so right that FOMO and uncertainty are huge reasons why so many people stay stagnant, and it sounds like you’ve been fighting some of those things the past 3 years. It’s so normal to want certainty BEFORE taking action, but to quote to favorite business woman, Marie Forleo, “Clarity comes from action, not thinking.” (Great quote, right??) Unfortunately you can’t think your way out of stagnation — you just have get your momentum goings and course-correct as you go. You’re well of your way, though!

      And I may just have to try that Bayou Bootlegger Hard Root Beer while I’m down here — sounds delicious!

  8. I loved this side chat! And I am responding and following through so I can embody someone who makes it!

    Right now I feel more afraid of the unknown. I am currently an Exec Assistant in a large corporation supporting myself and my husband while he works on building his business. On good days, I’m apathetic about my job, on bad days I’m downright miserable. Luckily I discovered a couple of years ago that I have a gift as a psychic medium/intuitive counselor and have been working on building my skills through training and mentoring so that I may offer my gift to others and help them on their journeys. I’m now at the place where I’m ready to build my website and put myself out there, but every time I think about creating my website I let myself become overwhelmed and fearful of what it all means.

    The fear of failure building my own business coupled with the fact that my gift is not universally accepted has me blocking myself from moving forward. So I am not following through on building my website and advertising my services for fear of judgment and failure.

    BUT I asked the Universe this morning to show me what next steps I need to take to accept myself and move forward, and this wonderful side chat was waiting for me in my inbox. That’s a nice push in the right direction.

    So what am I going to do about it? For starters, put my story out here on your blog in the comments. 🙂 And then I’m going to focus on my website content and give myself a deadline of when I’m going to launch and work towards that. Say launch date is April 29! Woo. Now I better get to it so I can hit that deadline! Thank you for the push I needed. You ladies are wonderful and an inspiration to live my truth! Keep up the good work.

    1. Melissa,

      Wow, I’m SO happy and impressed that you shared your story here and gave yourself a deadline. The more you share your idea and your goal deadline with people, the more “real” it feels. And I, for one, am incredibly excited about your business idea! It’s amazing that you’ve discovered your talent as an intuitive/medium, and the more you deeply accept this part of yourself, the more others will, too (or at least you’ll stop caring when they don’t!).

      The fact that you didn’t just stop after sharing all of the reasons you’ve been blocking yourself, but you immediately asked, “So what am I going to do about it?” tells me that you’re absolutely one of the people who are bound to “make it.” 🙂

      Don’t be afraid to ask a few people who 100% love and support you to hold you accountable to that April 29th deadline! Having accountability can make all of the difference. And I really hope you’ll come back and share your link here when your site is live!

  9. I’m more afraid of being stagnant, but I’m also an overthinker, so I end up psyching myself out before I actually make a decision to take action! What usually happens is I’ll have an “aha” moment or get inspired to change something in my life, and then immediately start questioning it and waffling – which means that no decision actually gets made, and things stay the same. Tbh, I think I don’t have a lot of confidence when it comes to making my own decisions…which means I end up in limbo a lot of the time :-/ I don’t want to be in limbo, but I also don’t want to make bad decisions.

    1. Hey Kate! You made such a good point about not being confident in your decision making — a LOT of people feel this way, and it’s way more common than you might think. I actually wrote a whole post a few months ago about gaining some confidence in your decision making that I think you might like. Here’s the link: https://clarityonfire.com/giving-away-your-power

      My biggest advice for you is to start small as you’re re-building your confidence in yourself and your decision making. Don’t start with the biggest, heaviest decisions in your life. Just start making more and more solo decisions (if you’re always asking for other people’s opinions before you decide, then you’re not actually building up your own confidence) about little things in your day-to-day life. Recognize how many times in a day you make good decisions for yourself. Start small and work your way up! You’ve got the motivation for this, I can tell. Now it’s just a matter of rebuilding that self-trust.

  10. Typically and historically, I would say I have been in the fear of the unknown camp. That changed when I took a risk and moved across the country to complete my MBA. Now, I find that the fear that usually hits me more is the fear of stagnation. For myself, it only took taking a risk on myself for me to realize that I am the one the directs my life and my happiness. Once you realize that you can change anything you need to in your life – you’ll spend less time being afraid of the unknown.

    As a side note, I think it is important to note that change is psychologically draining. For myself, I find I tend not to follow through on things when I am trying to change too much at once or when the things I am trying to change are not really a priority. As an example, I have been unhappy with my job for the last 6 months. I have spent those months reading, networking and self-development. During that time, I also did want to go to the gym and eat healthier but for me, my career and finding a new job was more important so I prioritize that other changes I wanted to make. You cannot change every all at once.

    1. You made so many good points, Sarah, I don’t even know where to start with my response! So much great stuff in your comment.

      I love, love, love this line that you wrote: “Once you realize that you can change anything you need to in your life – you’ll spend less time being afraid of the unknown.” I wish I could bottle that up that sentiment and give it to everyone I meet. It’s one of the best ways of describing confidence and empowerment that I’ve heard. I’m happy to hear you’ve really come to believe this.

      Also, I absolutely agree that you can’t change everything all at once — you’ll lose your mind if you try! If you’re finding yourself feeling drained and not following through, you’re right — you might just be trying to change too much at one time. It’s all about prioritizing what changes will make the greatest impact on your life right now, and committing to those first and foremost.

      Thanks for sharing your great insight and personal experience with this!

  11. Great side chat! I would say I’m definitely more afraid of stagnation than the unknown. One of my biggest fears was always waking up 20 or so years from now and wishing I would of taken more risks. That said, being faced with the unknown is always exciting and scary, because it can be uncomfortable, and I love comfort. I feel like I’m following through in most areas of my life, although I’ll admit I leap in some areas and baby step/crawl in others. For example, I’m open to new opportunities and willing to put myself out there when it comes to career, but I’ve moved slower in working on my health. I’ve learned to not beat myself up for my pace, but appreciate the progress. I am usually pretty quick and want change to be big and fast as well, so learning to take things slower and stick with it is an exercise in patience and self care.

    1. I totally feel you on the health area taking longer than the career area! I think that making slower progress in certain areas of life is totally normal. We all have our “cruxes,” and it’s OK if our standards for what constitutes “progress” and “following through” are different — and maybe kinder — than our standards in other areas. A lot of people get caught up in making the notion of progress a one-size-fits-all solution, which is so unhelpful! Better to be reasonable with yourself and make tiny steps than do nothing.

  12. I think right now I’m afraid of the unknown because stagnation is so comfortable. I think I’m not following through in becoming more knowledgable at work mostly because I was so exhausted not so long ago trying to prepare for this job. I’m kind of enjoying this moment in life but slowly starting to feel stagnated so I’m looking forward to following through on getting more educated and growing in my profession. I’m signing up to obtain some credentials in sustainability and since I have to pay for it, I’ve given myself a deadline. I like this idea of always moving forward despite the fear or idea of the unknown. I think the process of getting to know the unknown is exhilarating.

    1. Agree that it can actually be exhilarating — not always scary — to step into the unknown! And it sounds like you know yourself well. You knew that you needed a breather, and you knew when that rest got a little long and started to feel more like stagnation. It’s OK to not get it 100% right all of the time, but it sounds like you’re listening to your intuition and taking action when you feel that it’s right, which is REALLY good!

  13. A couple of months ago it was both- If that’s possible? I was working a job I hated and I was so absorbed in my disgust for my job duties that the thought of looking for another job was unbearable – what if I walk into another job I’m going to hate just as much, what do I even want to do? And, the fear of not having that bi-weekly paycheck always stopped me from putting in my notice. But, my fear of stagnating was becoming greater. I didn’t want to be looking back a year from now or five years from now thinking “why are you still here” and “what would have happened if I took the opportunity to find myself?” That’s when I decided to take the time to re-discover my passions. I had enough money saved to take a few months off and so I jumped at the opportunity and did what everyone advises you not to do: quit without having a job lined up. I’ve been so thankful for this time off, I’m finally putting dreams into motion that I’ve always kept up in my head. To me it was worth the risk.

    1. Love this comment, Jessica! And I think it’s totally possible to be in both places at once. A lot of people’s analysis paralysis comes from being on that 50-50 line between fear of the unknown and fear of settling. I’m glad that the scales finally tipped for you, though, and that you took a risk that’s paying off! I love hearing stories of people quitting their jobs and enjoying the experience … it proves to other people that it’s not always the “wrong” thing to do!

  14. Yep. As usual you hit the nail on the head! I’m a terrible one for stagnation and paralysis through over analysis. I’ve heard it’s something to do with my star sign ? In all seriousness though, my history is littered with the corpses of jobs that I lost motivation for st least a year before I left, and only then I had to be helped to do so by someone else. I’m currently in s job I hate and when I read my diary I realised I hated it 3 years ago too, and I’m only just now actively thinking of looking for something new because my more decisive, stronger friend is doing the same thing. Same for my relationships. I hold onto things that don’t work. I’m still living with my parents because I’m too afraid of the Unknown. I’m afraid of change and I think it’s a fundamental flaw I have which weakens me and holds me back. I’ve been pretty depressed about it recently actually. I am desperate to change and face my fears but how do you do that? I just want to hide away sometimes and I have a tendency to just ‘ get on with it’ and be distracted by my day job, distract myself with easy things. I have mAde changes in the past year though, I’ve been working on my art, I’ve received a few commissions and I told myself I wanted to perform on stage as a dancer and I’ve been in 4 shows so far. So I suppose I’m not a complete failure! Now though I really need to focus on my biggest fears…

    1. Maria — I would say that having art commissions and being in 4 shows as a dancer is most certainly NOT failure! That sounds like success to me. And I’ve got to say, it sounds like you’re being hard on yourself, maybe unnecessarily so. Maybe it’s true that you have a “fundamental flaw” of being afraid of change and avoiding the unknown … but if that’s true then EVERYONE shares your fundamental flaw. It’s not unique to you! It’s a human thing. We ALL have that, to a degree. You don’t have to take it super personally, which means that maybe it’s not as big of a deal as you’ve been thinking. A great book for you right now is Big Magic by Liz Gilbert. It’s all about creativity and fear, and you sound like a creative person who’s grappling with a lot of fear! Totally check it out! 🙂 And as far as grappling with your biggest fears, consider joining us for the next round of the PPVE. It sounds like you have some beliefs that need a big adjustment, and we focus a LOT on that during the PPVE.

      1. Thanks so much rachel I really appreciate this reply. Yep think you’re right I often get frustrated and beat myself up over stuff. I’ll check that book out straight away and the ppve is something I’ve been meaning to do for ages. Really love you and kristens posts, you’re both soooo honest and refreshing!! ?

  15. This is the most useful thing I’ve ever heard that so perfectly and comprehensively describes making it vs. not making it! Thank you so much for sharing this. I LOVE it. My answers: I think my fears started as unknown and then grew to a fear of stagnation. The more I learn, the more I realize that stagnation is the “enemy” for me. I feel this way about going to the doctor, too, haha. I’m terrified of doctors and needles but eventually the fear that I have some crazy hidden disease or something like that gets so big that it overcomes the original fear. (Does that even make sense?!)

    I’m not following through quickly enough with all the writing I want to do so I can move from writing as a side job to writing as my only job…I keep thinking of story ideas, but haven’t set aside a chunk of time to actually write them. Anddd that changes NOW! 🙂 Thanks again!

    1. You’re welcome, Kara! Thank you so much for such a big compliment! It makes us eager to keep doing this for you guys. 🙂 And yes, what you said made perfect sense. Working on your writing sounds like a great idea! I would put some blocks on your calendar for writing, as well as some built-in deadlines about when you want to get certain things done by. Holding ourselves accountable can be tricky, and most of us need a bit of structure in order to keep following through!

  16. Thank you both so much for this insight. I’m not following through right now because I don’t know if it’s the right time to. I graduated from college about a year ago, and I know that you should probably stay at a job for at least a year– probably longer. I don’t want to look like I can’t stick with a job because that’s definitely not me! However, I am barely making any money in my full-time salaried job and I’m still living with my parents, and I’m tired of being in “adult – limbo”. To make the decision harder, I really love my job and I’m scared if I go somewhere else, I won’t love it as much and will regret my decision, even though I can’t support myself at my current position and I’m unsure if there’s an option for future growth. I am a tribe member and I want to stay true to my passion profile because I definitely believe doing so will make me happy, but I guess I just don’t know what I want to do next. I’d say my fear is definitely a fear of the unknown!

    I’ve decided to give myself checkpoints though, which will give me enough time to learn and grow and commit myself to this job before I go anywhere else. This way, I can gauge my happiness with where I’m at and see if the time has actually come for me to start looking for something else, whatever that may be! Until then, I’ve decided not to look at other jobs because it stresses me out-I don’t feel qualified for anything!

  17. I so needed the truth bombs in this side chat today! Thank you! I definitely have a fear of stagnation, but if I’m being 100% honest with myself – and with the Clarity on Fire community (#accountability) I’m definitely letting my fear of the unknown win out. Although that is finally starting to shift in recent weeks.

    Fear of the unknown is why I’m 5+ years into a ‘good/exciting’ career that doesn’t light me up at all. It’s why I make excuses like I’m too busy or too exhausted, or I can’t afford to make changes right now. And it’s true, I work 14 hour days and I could always do with more money… but it’s not really my job that tires me out (well, maybe a little). It’s my job coupled with the never ending treadmill of thoughts about wanting change but not knowing where to start; the bursts of motivation to take action, ultimately followed by the overwhelm, stagnation and feelings of failure for not following through. The million and one false starts. FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN IS SO EXHAUSTING! So it seems crazy that I’ve been willingly choosing to let this fear win, when really all I’m doing is losing as a result.

    Thanks for giving me the kick up the butt I needed. Hopefully by posting this publicly on your blog it will be the additional boost of accountability I need to stick at it (even if I am a little late to this post!). I’m very embarrassed to admit I am one of the PPVE’ers you refer to who didn’t give it my all. Why? “too busy”… “too hard” … “not ready”. Well no more excuses. I plan to revisit all the content and take myself through the process – properly. I know it wont be quite the same, but still so valuable and I can’t wait to see what comes out the other side 🙂 Thanks again.

  18. First off, I LOVE side chats! I look forward to them! Second, I haven’t read any of the other comments because I didn’t want to be influenced in any way.

    My answer to the first question, “Am I afraid of the unknown or becoming stagnant”? That’s easy. I am afraid of the unknown. Without a doubt I’m afraid to take chances. I always take the safe route. With big decisions (and small ones) I always evaluate (too much is part of the problem, aka analysis paralysis) to point of making excuses or sticking to the same thing or moving on the next thing, ect…I feel I have a good head on my shoulders, I’ve been to college, I grew up in a supportive family environment, I have great friends and the worst part is I KNOW BETTER! I KNOW better than anyone I need to JUST DO IT! But I don’t and I see the pattern, yet nothing ever changes….I know what I’m guilty of…I don’t make the change and I don’t know how to find that “thing” inside myself to just do it!

    And the second question, “Where am I not following through”? This is the tough one for me. Partially, I know alot of the time I’ll get that spark that pushes me in to motion and I’m totally gung-ho about it then it fizzles out….I suppose, I want instant gratification. Without it, I lose that energy that gets me going in the first place. In addition, I also seek the approval of others too much. I worry about looking like a failure (and feeling like one) so I never do lots of things that would do if I didn’t care what others thought. Finally, the ole money excuse. The saying “it takes money to make money” is so true! And I fall into the trap of not taking chances (as in spending my savings or taking out a loan). I know I’ve gotta take a chance, live on the edge, just do it! I’m just afraid to…..

  19. At the end of another disappointing/useless/STAGNANT day at a job I grow more frustrated with each second (or so it seems), your Chat has me feeling like I have hope ! So thank you both from the bottom of my heart. To answer your questions: (1) fear of stagnating forever not only at my job, But also in my life in general, has recently taken the helm. Having experienced a ton of loss and trauma over the past several years, I thought this stable, steady job would bring me comfort, but nothing could be further from the truth. (2) I haven’t followed through on which direction to head (though I know instinctively that writing is my calling). My fear is that I won’t be good enough to do it full time and so keep rabbit trailing all over the place to “better” (more secure?) jobs. Hmm. Sounds familiar. One decision I am putting out there into the Internet? To sign up (now, tonight) for PPVE. Goodness knows I need it! See you there! And THANK YOU!!!!

  20. I am definitely more afraid of stagnation. I have made a lot of changes in my life the past couple of years. A habit I would like to change is that of focusing on what still needs work rather than on how far I’ve come!
    I have noticed a recent pattern of not following through on some courses I have signed up for, which I think is a consequence of overwhelm and lack of focus. I am often unrealistic about how much I can handle at one time so I’ll start a course to work on my finances, a course to work on relationships, a course to become a personal trainer, a course to become a life coach…and then feel like an octopus on rollerskates! A mark of a perfectionist over achiever.
    I think somebody above mentioned it, but clarity is what I’m searching for!
    If I think about it there are clues that, if I take proper notice of them, will lead me to greater clarity. The biggest clue is which courses I stick with and really enjoy. Hello, maybe there’s a clue in there as to what my true passions are!!! The next step is getting past that inner critic that says “What, you? Do that? Don’t be ridiculous!” I’ll get there though, I always have before 😉

  21. This has been an insightful listen for me. I have experienced a number of real challenges in life, both physical and mental health affecting, but none of those challenges were greater than my own, SELF-IMPOSED terror and fear of what might be worse if I made significant changes. Last year, at 51(so old for this site, but not dead, yet), I started having problems bending-not big bends but just reaching over. So, that was it, I became determined, in that moment, to do WHATEVER it took, no matter how small the steps, to change my physical state and my mental state. Listening to you wise, happy, REAL young women, I had an insight that blew me away–I don’t know what I really want from life, because I have never “felt” like I was ALLOWED to want, for myself. Of course, I did want, but never could muster the stones to push through. I have done a lot of inner and outer work(lost 70 pounds, eating great, feeling better, meditating, exercise), and now need the next step. Not dying feeling and being so out of the loop on decisions in my life! My life is not miserable, I have a husband, half grown kids, I teach preschool and volunteer and volunteer and volunteer and volunteer, but I make no real determinations about my activities, because I have not felt allowed to. Done, just done, what a load of dung my own fear sold be! Tricks we play on ourselves. Time for next chapter!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.