Side Chat: The 3 types of people-pleasers (& why you might unknowingly be one)


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All of us know at least one blatant, dare we say egregious, people-pleaser. Maybe it’s your mom, or your best friend, or your boss … or maybe it’s you.

But we’ve noticed a pattern lately, and we think you need to be clued into it: Some of the worst offenders when it comes to people-pleasing don’t realize they’re people-pleasers!

In fact, we’ve had clients who vehemently denied being a people-pleaser — they insist they don’t care what people think — only to be a bit shellshocked after we demonstrated just how perfectly they fit the mold.

In this month’s brand-new Side Chat we got into:

  • Our definition of people-pleasing, so we’re all on the same page.
  • The 3 types of people-pleasers: One is obvious, two are far less conspicuous, but all are equally problematic.
  • The first steps you should take, regardless of which type you are, to free yourself of this affliction.

After you’ve listened, leave a comment below to let us know which type of people-pleaser you most identify with!


Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!

  • This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
  • It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you’ll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
  • There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
  • This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
  • Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We’re going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
  • This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we’re going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
  • By the end, we know you’ll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient.

If you haven’t joined our VIP list yet, please do! There will be goodies for people who are on that list when we launch the course.


Side Chat: Curing your people-pleasing disease (May 2018)

Rejection therapy with Alex Grodnik (June 2019)


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3 Comments // ADD COMMENT


  • Kat

    Hi there, thanks for this episode. It’s quite amazing and really helpful that you’ve categorized people pleasing into 3 types. I’d say that I fall on the 3rd type. I’m not the one who’d like to please everyone, but it’s really more selective to people who matter more or people I like (such as my boss, my loved ones, or my crush hahaha). This episode is such a good reminder of how we all struggle in this, how we are not alone in this people-pleasing addiction. Admitting that you are one is really the start of the path to improvement and recovery. Although, I think that it’s something we might not be able to really fully recover from; but then it is something we can definitely work on. Thanks for this podcast 🙂

    • Kristen Walker

      Glad the categories were helpful for you, Kat! I agree that people-pleasing may not be something you ever 100% recover from, but I definitely believe (and know from personal experience!) that you can learn to override the people-pleasing default tendency and respond in a healthier way. Thanks for listening! 🙂

  • Clarity on Fire

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