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If you’d told me (Kristen) ten years ago that I’d be doing an infomercial FOR anger — as in, fully in support of and happily endorsing the expression of anger — I would’ve said you clearly have the wrong person.
You see, as a lifelong people pleaser with a huge aversion to conflict of all kind, I prided myself on rarely (if ever) getting angry. I’m embarrassed to admit I even got on my high horse about it, and I’d judge people who would (gasp) express their anger outwardly. Clearly they were just less evolved than me.
Yikes. How very wrong I was. I did feel anger (because I am, you know, human), but because I was so uncomfortable expressing it, it would leak out in gross, unhealthy ways (in my case, obnoxious passive aggressiveness).
So over the years, I’ve changed my tune. I still don’t love anger — mine, or anyone else’s — but I clearly see its value and have learned healthy ways to express it.
In this month’s brand-new Side Chat, we’re making a case for why it’s OK (necessary, even!) to feel angry, along with healthy ways to let it out — complete with demonstrations! We got into…
- Why most of us (especially people pleasers) are so uncomfortable with anger.
- What anger is really about, and the important messages it can give us.
- Specific ways you can express your anger — and we don’t stop at explanations … we show you how! We LITERALLY screamed and ranted and stomped our feet.
- Why it’s important to get comfortable with your own anger, before you express it to others.
Leave a comment below after you’ve listened to share your favorite method for releasing anger. We’re always open to new ways of processing emotions!
GETTING OVER PEOPLE PLEASING IS BACK! ENROLLMENT OPENS TODAY
Learning to express anger (and ALL your feelings) in a healthy way is only one facet of what we teach you in our course, Getting Over People Pleasing, which is open for enrollment TODAY through Friday, August 28th!
- We’re not setting a limit on the number of people who can enroll (BUT, if there start to be too many people we’ll cap it, so enroll early if you can).
- You can pay in one or two installments.
- You can add on a single coaching session (something we don’t normally offer) at checkout for a reduced rate!
- The last day to enroll is Friday, August 28th, and we officially get started on Monday, August 31st. But as soon as you enroll there’s an intro lesson and multiple workbook assignments to get the ball rolling!
- The course will run for 4 weeks. We’ll release one new lesson each week, and at the end of the course we’ll host a live Zoom call to celebrate and wrap things up!
- There’s going to be a private forum where participants can connect, shares their stories, and get their questions answered directly by us.
- You can probably expect to commit 2-ish hours a week to this course. A small part of that time will be watching videos, and the rest will be diving into workbook assignments, as well as sharing in the forum if you want to.
- You have forever access to this course! That means whenever we run it again, you can join in if you choose. You could also enroll now, but do the content at your own pace, if this month isn’t a good time but you don’t want to miss out.
Find out more and sign up here.
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Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel
Oh my god im sooooo all over this topic….i have struggled with anger my whole life. I was exposed to unhealthy responses to anger from a young age- My mum would fly into uncontrolled rages of violence that would terrify me. So the result was i went from being an extremely timid child who wouldn’t say boo to a goose and constantly saught to people please and diffuse angry situations; – to someone who would fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. And it terrified me, I couldnt control my rage, and either would lash out physically or verbally or I just cut the person off, immediately. My reaction to anger (my own and others) is so dramatic. Ive never been passive-aggressive, its always explosive! (probably inherited from mum). As Ive got older, its got better, but its still an issue. What i do now is stuff my anger down, or try to breathe through it, or ignore it. But then I just end up ignoring my needs and feelings, feeling resentful, and end up feeling like shit. This was a helpful podcast- thank you!
Maria — no wonder you’ve had such a tumultuous relationship with anger! You were (very understandably) terrified of anger from a young age, and it only makes sense that you’re now just as scared of your OWN anger. And it’s a totally normal response to want to stuff your anger down, because you’re afraid of what will happen if you let it explode out of you, but ignoring it doesn’t make it go away (unfortunately!). I’d be so curious for you to try some of these suggestions we mentioned and report back on if/how they helped!
Thank you for sharing your experience, Maria! That “all or nothing” relationship with anger you’re describing is very normal for someone who grew up with parents who were unhealthy or abusive. How could you have learned any differently from someone whose own relationship with her feelings was so toxic? We’re so glad this episode gave you some good ideas! I hope it’ll give you a more regular outlet to express yourself in a healthy, productive way. 🙂
First time listening to this episode and wow. I called out quite a bit but it explains soo much for me. All anger scares me..others anger leaves me feeling like my world will fall apart. If I get angry or some is angry w me it’s the same or that I will be left unloved if I reciprocate when I feel angry so I don’t know how/am learning to express my own. Lots of people pleasing tendencies and non confrontational.
I’m so glad this helped you understand your relationship to anger better, Jessica! It’s very normal to feel that way, especially if you grew up in an environment where anger felt unsafe. You’re being brave by working through these feelings! 🙂