{FYI: We’re making a once-in-a-blue-moon kind of announcement at the bottom of this blog. Scroll all the way through if you don’t want to miss it! And now, for something completely different …}

I have a client (let’s call her Diana) who just moved straight across the country, from one huge East Coast city to another huge West Coast city.

Diana knows very few people in her new city, so other than the comfort and familiarity of her job (which she got to take with her when she moved), everything ahead of her is unchartered territory.

(By the way, I think Diana is incredibly brave. I’m an introvert and very happy with my life as {mostly} a homebody, so the thought of picking up and moving to a city where I know no one is terrifying. No thank you!)

So, in talking about how exactly she was going to rebuild from scratch, Diana told me, “It’s really important to me that I have a life out here. You know, something full and exciting and vibrant and more than just my work. I can’t stand that all I ever seem to talk about is work because I have nothing else to talk about! I need to get a life.”

I asked her, “Alright, so who do you know who has your definition of a life?”

She paused. For longer than I thought she would. And then she said:

I DON’T KNOW A SINGLE PERSON WHO HAS A “LIFE”

She went on to say, “I know that sounds terrible. But I really don’t! That’s one of the big reasons I wanted to pick up and move across the country … all everyone did in my old city was work and then meet up to drink. I wanted to get away from that.”

Now, I’m pretty sure that not everyone is like Diana. I’m sure some of us know people who have a “life.” But I also completely understand what she’s talking about.

She’s making a really good point about how numb many people have become.

When we don’t know what else to do with our lives … we work. A lot. And because more than 80% of us are actively unhappy with our work, we build up a lot of existential anxiety, fear, and exhaustion during the day.

Which means after work, many of us head straight to happy hour (during the weekday) or clubs (every weekend) to unwind … and often commiserate with friends who are as existentially lost and unhappy as we are.

We all develop ways to numb out and distract ourselves when we’re deeply uncertain about who we are and what we want out of life. Social drinking fits the bill for a lot of people, but we all do it in some way or another … if not with alcohol then maybe with Facebook, or Netflix, or food, or romantic flings you know aren’t right for you from day one.

DON’T GET ME WRONG. I DON’T THINK ANYONE ACTUALLY WANTS THIS.

This isn’t the kind of life any of us dreamed of as kids. In fact, I think we’d make a lot of kids terribly unhappy if we told them how unfulfilled and numbed-out the average adult is.

But I also don’t believe that this automatic, robot-like way of living is something a single person would choose if they knew what else to do.

So … what else do we do?

Well, first of all, I don’t think that “getting a life” is as simple as padding your time with extra hobbies or joining a kickball league.

Randomly piling on hobbies or clubs or whatever else is often just another mindless way to fill time. It’s something many of us do in desperation so that we’ll at least look like we’re happy and seem like we “have a life.”

No, we need to back up and start somewhere else.

WHAT’S YOUR DEFINITION OF HAVING A “LIFE”?

Diana had her own definition of what it means to have a “life,” but that doesn’t mean you need to accept hers, or mine, or anyone else’s.

The great thing about having a life is that it’s yours … and that means it’s your job (and no one else’s) to define what it means to have one.

So, think about what deep values you want your life to revolve around.

That sounds serious, I know. But it doesn’t have to be. All it really means is … name one or two big things that you really value and that you’d like to spend a big chunk of your time actively pursuing.

For Diana, those things were “Vibrancy” and “Fun.” If her world could revolve around bringing those two concepts to life, she’d be pretty happy.

For me, I want my life to be really full of “Peace” and “Freedom.” I can’t get enough of either … I probably couldn’t function without them.

And then, ask yourself …

WHAT THINGS WOULD MAKE ME FEEL THE MOST LIKE THIS?

For Diana, feeling vibrant and having fun have a lot to do with getting back into sports. So she’s going to find a surfing buddy who she can meet up with a few times a week to practice with.

For me, being at peace and feeling free are about getting outside every single day. I must be out in nature, even if it’s just a quick walk with my dog. And now that the weather is getting nicer, I’m probably going to start hiking at least once a week.

And while those two examples were pretty physical, your answers don’t have to necessarily be about movement or being outside.

Maybe you really value “Connection,” so you’re going to set up a weekly dinner date with your girlfriends. Or maybe you’re all about “Energy,” and the best way for you to get that is consciously opting to stay in one night a week and do nothing more than read a book that feeds your soul.

The possibilities are obviously endless.

(It’s hard not to over-simplify this process … there’s only so much I can write in a blog, and this is a much more complicated issue than I can fully address here. So, if you didn’t already know, figuring out how to have your version of a “life” is a big thing we do in the Passion Plan Virtual Experience. We’ll be opening enrollment again next month, so get on the VIP list if it sounds like a good fit for you.)

What’s important is to remember:

twitter-birdAllow your time to revolve around what you value most, and you’ll always have a full life.

This is undoubtedly an uncomfortable (and maybe controversial) topic. So, how does this whole “getting a life” thing resonate with you? We’d love to know!

Much Love,

Rachel (+ Kristen)

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WE’RE TAKING ON JUST 10 NEW CLIENTS … WANT TO BE ONE OF THEM?

When we said “once in a blue moon” at the beginning of this blog, what we meant is that it’s become pretty rare for us to work with new coaching clients. To be honest, we’ve been on a bit of a “freeze” since December, since we’ve been focusing a lot on the Passion Profile Short Course and the PPVE.

But 1-on-1 coaching is unlike anything else. The impact we can have on people when we can talk to them individually every week is powerful — even more powerful than any virtual program we can offer.

The two things we hear our clients say the most often after their coaching experience is, “This completely sped up my journey … I got where I wanted to go so much faster than I ever could have on my own,” and “I don’t even recognize my life anymore in the best way possible.”

So, if that’s the kind of deep, “no messing around” transformation you’re looking for, then we’d love to meet you.

Keep in mind, we’re only taking on 10 new 1-on-1 coaching clients, so if you’re seriously interested, keep a few things in mind:

And one last, hugely important thing:

You’ll know instinctively if this is right for you. Trust your gut.

Coaching is a serious endeavor. It’s OK if it doesn’t feel right for you. We most want to work with the people who are seriously ready to change their lives and who feel really pulled to us and our message and desire our personal support. That’s what makes magic in a coaching relationship!

If you feel that pull and are ready to work wonders on your life, we’d love to get to know you!

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  1. This post is still resonating with me after 4 months.

    I think it’s incredibly important to take the time to define what having a life actually means to each of us, and then to begin to picture what it looks like… The results are surprising, and different from what society may tell us is necessary.

    That’s the beauty of Clarity on Fire – your blog often helps me realize that it’s all about what this life can be for ME.

    Thanks Rachel & Kristen!

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