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All of us know at least one blatant, dare we say egregious, people-pleaser. Maybe it’s your mom, or your best friend, or your boss … or maybe it’s you.
But we’ve noticed a pattern lately, and we think you need to be clued into it: Some of the worst offenders when it comes to people-pleasing don’t realize they’re people-pleasers!
In fact, we’ve had clients who vehemently denied being a people-pleaser — they insist they don’t care what people think — only to be a bit shellshocked after we demonstrated just how perfectly they fit the mold.
In this Magic 8-Ball episode we’re sharing a classic from last summer: The 3 types of people pleasers (& why you might unknowingly be one). We talked about:
- Our definition of people-pleasing, so we’re all on the same page.
- The 3 types of people-pleasers: One is obvious, two are far less conspicuous, but all are equally problematic.
- The first steps you should take, regardless of which type you are, to free yourself of this affliction.
After you’ve listened, leave a comment below to let us know which type of people-pleaser you most identify with!
GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!
Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!
- We’re not setting a limit on the number of people who can enroll (BUT, if there start to be too many people we’ll cap it, so enroll early if you can).
- You can pay in one or two installments.
- You can add on a single coaching session (something we don’t normally offer) at checkout for a reduced rate!
- The last day to enroll is Friday, August 28th, and we officially get started on Monday, August 31st. But as soon as you enroll there’s an intro lesson and multiple workbook assignments to get the ball rolling!
- The course will run for 4 weeks. We’ll release one new lesson each week, and at the end of the course we’ll host a live Zoom call to celebrate and wrap things up!
- There’s going to be a private forum where participants can connect, shares their stories, and get their questions answered directly by us.
- You can probably expect to commit 2-ish hours a week to this course. A small part of that time will be watching videos, and the rest will be diving into workbook assignments, as well as sharing in the forum if you want to.
- You have forever access to this course! That means whenever we run it again, you can join in if you choose. You could also enroll now, but do the content at your own pace, if this month isn’t a good time but you don’t want to miss out.
Find out more and sign up here.
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Hi there, thanks for this episode. It’s quite amazing and really helpful that you’ve categorized people pleasing into 3 types. I’d say that I fall on the 3rd type. I’m not the one who’d like to please everyone, but it’s really more selective to people who matter more or people I like (such as my boss, my loved ones, or my crush hahaha). This episode is such a good reminder of how we all struggle in this, how we are not alone in this people-pleasing addiction. Admitting that you are one is really the start of the path to improvement and recovery. Although, I think that it’s something we might not be able to really fully recover from; but then it is something we can definitely work on. Thanks for this podcast 🙂
Glad the categories were helpful for you, Kat! I agree that people-pleasing may not be something you ever 100% recover from, but I definitely believe (and know from personal experience!) that you can learn to override the people-pleasing default tendency and respond in a healthier way. Thanks for listening! 🙂
Steps I am committed to take this week to work toward freeing myself from people pleasing. I know it will be uncomfortable but I will work the need to call my kids everyday.
I love that you’re setting actionable steps for yourself to break free from people pleasing, Danyette! It feels highly uncomfortable in the short-term, but it’ll be so freeing on the other side. Come back and let us know how it goes!
Hi Girls,
Loved the podcast and I feel I fall into all the categories somewhat. Do you think it’s because that is how we are raised? We are taught to please our parents then our teachers and friends to be accepted, then our partners and boss’s. I feel this has been ingrained in us since birth. I had always had a hard time I feel making friends, I felt like they didn’t like me at first so I had to do things to make them like me. I have had people tell me they didn’t like me because they thought I was a good-two-shoe, or too cute, really!! Even my grand-daughter at the age of two said she didn’t like me, that one hurt big time!! I think it affected my relationship with my son and his wife and I feel uncomfortable around them. I have always been worried about offending someone or saying the wrong thing or making someone feel bad so I try real hard to watch what I say. I know they say the best thing to do is “be yourself” but I feel like when I do that people don’t like me. I don’t even know what that means to be myself, who am I? I can remember when I was little and thinking “everyone likes so and so” so I would try to be like them so people would like me too. Ii was not taught how to be assertive. I am more of the quiet one who doesn’t want to rock the boat. I have developed social anxiety because of this I feel but I also feel that it is largely due to how we were raised.
Hi Jo,
I agree with you that a big part of people pleasing is how we’re raised. It’s true that we get rewarded for pleasing our parents, teachers, and friends from a young age, so it’s no wonder we get stuck in the habit of people-pleasing. The challenge with that is, when we get overly caught up in people-pleasing, we never feel truly connected to others (because they don’t know the REAL us), so there’s always that nagging feeling you described of not belonging. That’s a very normal experience for people pleasers. And the truth is, when you are your real self, not everyone will like you, and that’s OK. The people who DO like you for being yourself though, those are the people who you’ll feel true belonging with. Easier said than done, I know, but it’s worth the discomfort of honoring your own thoughts/preferences over pleasing others.
Thanks for sharing! I know a lot of other people pleasers will resonate with your story.