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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.
On this episode, we’re answering questions from:
- Charlie, a published author who can’t get past the feeling that they should be doing something more intellectually impressive, like medicine or law. How can they get over the need to do something other people find “worthy”?
- Jo, who has a “pipe dream” of opening a café. All her other ideas fall short in comparison, but it doesn’t seem realistic. Is it smarter to give it up or take a stab?
- Jesica, who believes that no one sees her and is tired of feeling invisible. How can someone magically be seen when they’ve been wearing an invisibility cloak for so long?
After you’ve listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three listeners resonated with you, too.
Want to submit a question for our March episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!
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Leave us a comment on this episode
Hey guys. I’m Charlie, whose question you answered this week. I spent a lot of time nodding along to your answer – I think I knew all the things you said already, but its now crunch time to actually accept the truth of those things. I’ll update with how I go in a few months. Thanks again.
You’re welcome, Charlie! Sometimes it’s not people telling you things you didn’t know; it’s people reinforcing what you already knew and giving you permission to embrace it. 🙂
I found Jesica’s question and your feedback especially helpful! More attention Jesica… we see you! (Avatar reference)… 🙂
If you think that you can pinpoint a possible time in your past when you may have taught yourself tools to use in order to feel safe and you think that you might be in a place where you’re willing to unlearn them… how does a person start to give themselves permission to be their true selves vs. the self-protecting person that they learned to be?
Thank you ALL!!! Jacqui
Love the Avatar reference, Jacqui!
And that’s a really good question. One of the big things I tend to do with my clients to help them unlearn that past behavior and start being their true selves is ask them, “What version of you is showing up in this situation?” and, “Who are you imagining that the other person is?” Quick example: one of my clients was terrified to ask her boss (who she has a great relationship with) to work from home a day or two per week. It was clear that the person she was showing up as was her little kid self, and the person she was projecting onto her boss was actually her dad. Why? Because as a kid she learned that the best way to get approval and acceptance from the most important adults in her life (her parents) was to be the “good girl” and not inconvenience anyone.
So first, acknowledging that often how we’re showing up is just a projection from an earlier, scared version of ourselves. And realizing that if that’s not true, I have a lot more freedom to behave like a reasonable adult in this situation rather than a scared kid! She asked for the work-from-home time and, of course, her boss was totally agreeable! 😉
I had a possible ‘aha’ moment yesterday so thank you Rachel!!! I need to remember to ask more questions! 🙂