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*Cue Destiny’s Child* All the women, who independent, throw your hands up at me. All the honeys, who making money, throw your hands up at me.
Sometimes as a woman (especially if you’re over 30) it’s easy to gloss over everything you’ve accomplished in life — finding a career you enjoy, evolving as a person, developing deep friendships, making an impact in your community, eating well, staying fit — if you still haven’t attained a romantic relationship.
And the world will certainly validate you on that front. From well-meaning family who ask why you’re still single, to your married friends who think you should “try matchmaking or speed dating! It could be fun!!” … the silent implication is often “your relationship status needs to be fixed.” And when it feels like you need fixing, that makes you feel a little broken.
On this month’s interview with an expert, Rachel sits down with Shani Silver, the host of A Single Serving Podcast. Shani spent 10 years being single and miserable until she made a profound shift and started deeply enjoying her life. They got into…
- Why your relationship status isn’t something that needs “fixing.”
- How Shani got off dating apps completely, and why she’s a big advocate for you deleting them, too.
- How to get off the rollercoaster of hope and disappointment when it comes to dating and relationships.
- Why enjoying being single is actually the best way to attract a real, healthy relationship (if that’s what you want).
This episode is NOT just for single people! Maybe you’re happily partnered but your career remains that one thing you just can’t make happen, or maybe your career is solid but your body image is shaky … apply Shani’s wisdom to whatever that sticky, stubborn thing is that you wish were different.
After you’ve listened, leave us a comment below to share how Shani’s game-changing perspective landed with you!
MORE ABOUT SHANI
Shani Silver is a writer and podcast host working to change the way being single is seen in the world, creating content for single women that is about MORE than just dating because our lives do involve more than that, you know. She lives in Brooklyn, loves to cook and do sheet masks but not at the same time, and is probably planning a trip to London, Paris, or both as we speak. You can find her at shanisilver.com, and check out her podcast, A Single Serving, wherever you listen!
You can also read her article about how to stop hating being single, find more articles on Refinery29, and join her Facebook group.
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Submit your question for a future episode of Dear Krachel
I appreciate this as I have always loved and preferred being single. Funny enough, always when I’m at my happiest a man shows up and I end up in a very loving relationship for a time, sometimes years. But when it ends, I find myself reveling in my independence once again. I’ve been fortunate to have friends and family who never pressured me to get involved- they always appreciated that I would probably be single forever and that I was ok with it. If I am single forever, great. If I’m not, that’s great too. As long as I’m happy I’m on the right track.
What I’m finding the most helpful about this is from a career standpoint. I find I get treated differently when I’m not pursuing a career than when I am- even if Im not happy in it I am treated with more respect. It’s hard to let go of a career I’ve fought hard for because it doesn’t make me happy due to the same pressures that surround being single. It’s something I need to work on and I will work on applying some of the tips from this talk to help with that.
I love your nonattachment to your relationship status, Natalie! I aspire to it, lol. And I’m so glad you’re translating this to your career. You’re so right about people getting treated differently when they’re not pursuing some career milestone or status!
This was incredible. I’m a happily married mother of 3 and found SO MUCH to relate to here. Thank you!!
Omg I love hearing that, thank you for sharing!
REALLY loved this and love Shani Silver – she’s so kick ass and charismatic! I found this talk so empowering and really resonates with me, being 38 and single and absolutely despising dating apps. Every time I try them I end up having arguments with guys and deleting them. They stress me out! Im much happier just being single, doing creative stuff. I went through a panic a few months ago (and still do to a degree) that Im getting older and will get too old to have kids. Trying to relax and enjoy my life no matter what happens. Trying to make peace with the idea that i might run out of time to have children. This podcast certainly put my mind more at ease. Thank you.
Whew, I’m so glad you’re not doing dating apps anymore! I say if you find yourself arguing with dudes you meet online, you’re probably not in a space that’s good for you in any way! I know detaching from the outcome is really hard, especially where kids are concerned, so I’m very inspired by your attitude! 🙂
Thanks Rachel. yeah im just trying to be grateful for what Ive got. But its hard. I suppose I can always get fur babies…:-)