Your needs & your wants are VERY different

needs

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So … I was in a therapy session and my therapist said something that filled me with, as I told Kristen during this episode, “The wrath of hell.”

Why? Because she, unintentionally, broke one of the cardinal rules of anyone who’s in a therapy/coaching/healing profession: Make the person in front of you feel seen and heard. 

I brought her my very raw, tender emotions about something that was deeply troubling me, and in her attempt to help, she used an analogy that made me feel very unseen and unheard–and worse than that, almost made me feel gaslit and belittled. Cue rage erupting from me akin to the fires of hell.

But, in classic fashion, my rage gave me an opportunity to coach myself (it turns out, of the two of us I’m probably the better coach for me anyway). And in getting to the bottom of why I was so triggered, I made a HUGE realization:

I was angry because she had treated one of my needs as if it was a want. So, I decided we definitely need to have a Side Chat about this! Listen in as Kristen and I talk about…

  • The analogy she used that made me feel like she was diminishing my needs.
  • How, in an attempt to be evolved, we often end up gaslighting ourselves out of having needs.
  • Why treating needs as needs, rather than wants, makes room for you to have ALL the uncomfortable emotions, without feeling guilty about it.
  • Why it’s totally normal to be attached to your needs, and how you definitely don’t have to worry that being attached will mess up your ability to receive what you want.

After you listen, leave a comment below to share something you’ve been treating as a want, that might actually be a need!


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7 Comments // ADD COMMENT

7 comments

  • Cassie

    I cried. I think there a lot of people out who are treating their needs like wants and they even shame them for needing at they need. ❤️

    • Kristen Walker

      I’m SO happy this episode was so powerful for you, Cassie! It’s a real act of self-love to honor your needs for what they are. ❤️

  • Natalie

    So uh… I totally just sit and listen to podcasts lol. I can’t multitask-I am not an auditory learner. I can’t listen to audiobooks either.
    On another note- I loved this. I always appreciate a good rant and this one had so many great points. Belonging is absolutely a need on several levels, something I’ve been rediscovering over the past year. It was nice to hear your approach.

    • Rachel East

      LOL sorry for inadvertently implying that you might be a psychopath.😂 I’m so glad you loved this one! I feel like the more people who resonate, the more validated I, and we all, can feel for having needs and not apologizing for them.

  • Samantha

    Wow this episode!! I’m curious how this conversation would go around money. I’ve always felt like at a certain amount it becomes a want versus a need. It’s interesting to start thinking of larger amounts of money as a need…I’ve known that’s a sticking point for me, but thinking about it from this perspective is bringing up a lot!

    • Rachel East

      Very good question! I agree that after a certain point, more $ becomes less of a need and more of a want. FYI, I’ve heard a stat that, on average, $75/year (I think salaried, so before taxes) is the number that takes people out of need and into want. As in, anything before that number makes it hard to get all your needs met, and anything after that number doesn’t add significantly more to your happiness. Of course, it also depends on where you live and your unique situation (people with a lot of student loan debt, for example, might need more). But also, at the end of the day, like Brit said … want, need, who cares! If there’s something you desire in order to thrive, not just survive, then you get to desire that without apology.

  • Clarity on Fire

    […] who listened to our last Side Chat about wants vs. needs and started wondering about how that idea applies to money — when is it a need, and when does it […]