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One of my favorite quotes from any movie, ever, is from Men in Black — when Tommy Lee Jones is talking to Will Smith about the existence of aliens (I may have written and recorded a whole blog about it years ago):
“Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you’ll know tomorrow.”
Humans are pretty good at getting wrapped up in our own experience. We forget that “how it is” is often not how it’s always been, or even how it is now in other places around the world.
One of those things we’re convinced is true now, but hasn’t been true for most of human history? That your life revolves around your career.
So, in this month’s brand-new Side Chat we’re taking you on a journey that might make you squirm, but you most definitely need to hear. We talk about…
- What humans were obsessing over before they started fixating on their career,
- The reason we made the shift to obsessing over our careers, and what’s going on under the surface,
- Why making your career the thing your life revolves around never works,
- And the one quality you need to have if you want to have a life — not just a career — you deeply enjoy.
Leave a comment below after you’ve listened to share how this doozy of an episode resonated with you!
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I had an immediate thought about liking yourself, which was that it’s still hard when you like yourself, yet still face rejection. I know you two have been through it, and what did you do? I guess the answer is keep plugging away. I also can relate to the part where you said people will try to fix their emotional state in whatever way they can. I’m sure I ventured into eating disorder territory as a way to cope with the disappointment / frustration of not getting what I wanted from the world. I thought “if I could just stay fit like I would if I wasn’t being forced to do ____ (fill in blank with various hated jobs) all day, then life won’t be so bad.” But that didn’t work. And currently I’m in the midst of trying to fix a lot of physical problems that stemmed from that. I guess you could say career is on the back burner for me right now until I get healthy. Getting healthy is my main focus, just as religion or career or relationship might be for other people. I’ve actually had family try to tell me not to be so fixated on it and still try to live my life, which I understand. I am still living it, even if it appears otherwise to them, lol. Anyway, I guess it all circles back to refraining from unhealthy obsessions in general (ones that you think will give you meaning / identity) and having a well-rounded outlook on life. Much easier said than done!
You’re right, Marianne — rejection can definitely still hurt, even when you like yourself. Here are a few mindset shifts that have helped me not get paralyzed by rejection:
• If I’m getting rejected, it’s a sign that I’m being genuine. On the other hand, if I’m never getting rejected, that’s a red flag that I’m probably slipping back into people-pleasing tendencies and not being totally authentic.
• I used to feel like rejection meant I was somehow not good enough. Now, I see rejection as simply a sign that something/someone just wasn’t a good fit for me. I don’t take it personally anymore.
• I recognize that I might need some “rejection therapy” (listen to this episode for a deep dive on that concept) work on desensitizing myself to rejection.
And you’re right, so many of us try to self-regulate with all kinds of things that can quickly turn unhealthy when taken to extremes. Ironically, even a focus on health can become unhealthy when it turns into an obsession (a LOT of people struggle with this!). Ultimately, though, it’s about recognizing that your identity and sense of purpose can’t come from anything outside of you.
Thanks for your thoughtful response to this episode!