Dear Krachel: How do I say no without people hating me?

say no

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we’re answering questions from:

  • Samantha, who can’t figure out whether she should keep living in the city or trade that in for more fresh air and space in the country. How do you make a decision when both options seem good in their own way?
  • Grace, who’s starting her own business and has a LOT of ideas about how she could potentially make money, but is scared to choose one for fear that it won’t work and she’ll have chosen wrong. How do you narrow down and focus, especially when it feels important to get it right from the beginning?
  • Carrie, who is massively regretting RSVP-ing yes to a bachelorette party from hell. She wants to back out, but is afraid of the hurt feelings and bad impression that might ensue. How do you say no without everyone hating you?

After you’ve listened, leave us a comment below to let us know how our advice for these three listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our September episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!


Side Chat: Honing your intuition (June, 2019)

Bonus Book Club! Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver (November, 2018)

Bonus Book Club! Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (June, 2018)


Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!

  • This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
  • It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you’ll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
  • There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
  • This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
  • Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We’re going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
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8 Comments // ADD COMMENT


  • Chris Hogg

    Carrie might benefit from reading my book, How to Say NO Without Ruining Relationships. 🙂

  • Natalie

    Ok Rachel- lets talk about your birthday. What I did for my 31st (that I admittedly stole from a friend because I thought it was brilliant), was dub it the Baskin Robbins birthday. Create a list of 31 fun things you’d like to do -aka your 31 flavors- and enjoy making them happen. It’s a fun way to make the 31st birthday something special. Happy early birthday! Mine is next week 🙂 though I’ll be a bit older lol.

    • Rachel East

      I love this idea, Natalie! What a fun way to celebrate a seemingly random (numerically speaking) birthday. 😉 And happy early birthday to you, another fellow Leo!

  • Clarity on Fire

    […] Dear Krachel: How do I say no without people hating me? (August 2019) […]

  • Samantha

    Thank you for the lovely response and advice dear Krachel 🙂 And yes, I thought you would appreciate the koala reference 😉 Well done on the pronunciation of Kookaburra too – I never realised it’s a bit hard to say if you’re not used to it haha

    One thing that really stood out to me is when you mentioned how side hustlers need lots of options. Oh my god I so relate to this because my partner is a side hustler (I’m a Thriver) – sometimes I’m like, man just make a decision please! haha I frequently find myself frustrated with his ideas of wanting to do so many different things, often things that either completely contradict each other or are a matter of ‘we can do all those things, just not necessarily all at the same time” 😀

    I would love either a blog post or podcast episode around “Understanding the Side Hustler in your life” haha

    • Rachel East

      You’re welcome! And haha! That’s a funny, and appropriate, idea for a future episode. In fact, we should probably do a series about understanding the Thrivers, Firestarters, Tribe Members, AND Side Hustlers in your life! 😉