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I’m unafraid to admit that I am a full-blown escapist. I can’t help it. I was born this way.
The places I’ve been in my imagination feel just as real to me as places I’ve actually been — I defy you to tell me that I haven’t ever sat in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room doing homework with my quill and parchment!
The truth is, the world in my head is often way more interesting than what’s going on in the real world. And more often than not, I’d rather be in my own fantasy world than dealing with whatever annoyances are popping up in my real life.
But is that healthy? Doesn’t that make me (and the rest of us who are prone to escapism) immature, lazy, or irresponsible?
In this Side Chat, Kristen and I are going down the rabbit hole and talking about:
- Who is most prone to escapism, and why.
- Why we can’t help but do it, even when we feel we shouldn’t.
- When escapism is normal and healthy, and when it crosses the line and becomes warped.
- Why most of us escapists aren’t great at, and definitely don’t enjoy, many aspects of the tangible world (like money, schedules, sleep, exercise).
- The link between escapism and highly sensitive people.
After you’ve listened, come share your escapist outlet du jour. What rabbit holes do you love delving in to? Leave us a comment to let us know!
TIRED OF EXPLORING YOUR INNER WORLD ALONE?
A quick question to see if coaching is a good fit for you:
Are you the person who’s looking around and thinking, “Why am I the only one who feels this way/sees a problem with this/isn’t happy with how things are?”
If so, you’re the exact type of person who thrives when they’re doing personal development. You’re not weird! In fact, you’re asking all of the right questions. It’s just hard to come up with the answers on your own.
That’s the point of coaching: to explore your vast inner world in a way that makes sense and actually gets you headed in the right direction (instead of wandering aimlessly).
Want to talk more about the possibility? Reach out to us here.
THINGS WE MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Exploring the 16 personality types with Leslie McDaniel
Side Chat: We are not the crazy ones (how to tell if you’re a highly sensitive person)
Getting over your ‘all or nothing’ obsession with Amy Everhart
Breaking your phone addiction with Kristen Kalp
Blog: How to make your own Rules for Sane Living
Of course, I totally loved this!!!
I pretty much 100% agree with everything you guys shared. I’m definitely someone who loves getting lost in the world of fiction and fantasy and often feel that it’s one of the things that brings me pure anabolic joy! It brings so many important things to my life: inspiration, emotion, connection, renewal, and so much more.
I’ve also often wondered if it was unhealthy to be enjoying this escapism so much, and what that might mean. But I think you guys helped validate (at least for me) that there are so many positive things that it gives us, especially us introverts. It just creates such a rich inner world and I think it definitely helps me relate and connect to the external world in more positive ways as well.
I think there’s certainly an element of using this form of escapism to numb or avoid things. While I’m usually pretty aware of when I’m doing it with obvious situations in my life, I’m also learning (with Kristen’s awesome coaching) to have more awareness around some of the more subtle things that I also use fiction to avoid or numb, like uncomfortable feelings. So, in a way, getting lost in fiction has become a tool for me to evaluate if I ever am trying to escape anything, and if so, what?
Thanks to both of you for continuing to deliver such wonderful, meaningful and helpful content! You guys feel like kindred spirits.
Also, P.S. I think it’s great that you are bringing back some of the older blogs and podcasts. It makes total sense for you and for us, your audience.
I had a feeling you would love this one, and I’m so glad you did! I’m happy this is giving you permission to accept your escapist side. 🙂
You’re already doing such an awesome job questioning your intentions for why you’re doing things (is it fulfilling or numbing??), and I love that getting lost in fiction is now another reminder to continue that questioning and self-awareness. See, escapism is helping you in more ways than one! 😉
And thanks, yeah I like that we’re getting to dust off some of our old blog content and re-share it. We’ve written SO much over the years, but most of it has gotten lost way far back on the blog, so this way we get to share it with a bunch of new people who have joined our community over the past couple of years.
As an INFJ, and a very very strong Introvert, I feel that escapism isn’t a bad thing, and I’m glad that you both did mention this. The one term that would often be told to describe me is “dreamer”, and while when I was a teenager or child, it was seen lightly or even sometimes encouraged, but now I feel like my inner world is a culprit to my outer world (extroverted world, or exterior aspect of living).
But, can we stop using the terms ‘avoiding’ or ‘escaping’ to describe this kind of natural behaviors? For some people, as you had clarified in your podcast, it is how people process the outer information in their inner world. Like myself.
In the last few years, I have signed into jobs and then quit, or would apply to jobs but then wouldn’t show up (which does have to do with worrying or obsessing about details, or obsessing to a point that I become completely depressed because it doesn’t fulfill what I see as IDEALS for myself).
It has come to a point that I don’t know what I want anymore, so the “do what you love” or “focus on what you love” is something that is a contrasting element in my life.
Another factor is what you considered as a child of the adult world is completely different from the reality of what being an adult actually is. I don’t want to have a job, to just have a job, so I feel very much of a dreamer, or your term: “escapist”.
I took your quiz, two times, because I didn’t believe I was a Firestarter and still have doubts that I actually am a Firestarter…considering I can’t start anything or finish anything.
Hey Elena — You’re right! Using words like “avoidance” and “escapism” can make it sound as if this trait is somehow a bad thing, which it isn’t. Like you said, this treat makes us “dreamers,” which is a big positive. We used the word “escapist” in this episode not because we think retreating to your inner world is a bad thing; but more so because people tend to feel bad or guilty about it and we wanted to correct that notion!
And as for your Passion Profile, it may be that you have a secondary Profile, and that you are part-Firestarter, part something else. But just because you struggle with follow-through (which is a normal struggle for many people) doesn’t mean you aren’t a Firestarter. You may just be unclear about your big vision and what you really want to do, which means you could be a Firestarter without a deeper mission at the moment.
Oh my gosh I went down the rabbit hole of the rabbit hole that is The Vampire Diaries in a negative way but also in a time that I needed it. I was working my first job as a floor nurse when I had to work nights. This was a complete wrong job for me but I had to get the experience so had to get through it. Also I was lonely and used the TVD to get through it. It did bring me joy at the time in a very low moment and I’m glad I had it but looking back that wasn’t the healthiest but it got me through. Versus now where I am addicted with self development and read and listen to self development stuff all the time but it now motivates me and fills me up. So there is definitely a difference but maybe not a bad thing when you need it. I literally laughed out loud when Rachel mentioned the TVD. My guilty indulgence as well. ????
That’s so funny! I agree–it may not be the healthiest thing, but if it got you through a hard time, it’s not all bad. 😉
Have you guys heard of “maladaptive daydreaming”? Apparently it’s a diagnosable and treatable condition. I was wondering when can daydreaming become maladaptive, and as you say, it’s probably when you begin to fail in real life; when you stop interactions with the real world and when the world in your head becomes more real to you.
So if somebody feels like they would like to be more active in the real world, but it’s too overwhelming and inside of your head is the only place you feel is safe for you, I’d try looking for professional help.
No, I hadn’t heard that phrase before! Very interesting. And yes, we agree for sure–if it’s interfering with your ability to lead a normal life, it’s likely time to seek some external support!
I think it can serve as a way to process feelings too. If I get into an argument with a loved one, I might go read a book to cool off and think rather than saying something I regret or firing off a knee-jerk response. I think it’s a method for subconscious processing, kinda like sleeping on something.
Totally agree, Leah! I think the “sleeping on it” is a very accurate comparison.