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You’re in for a real treat this month: We’ve got not one, not two, but three normal people coming at you!
In honor of our upcoming course, Getting Over People Pleasing, we sat down with two of our very best friends (Stacy Campesi and Joanna Platt, who you may remember from their past expert appearances on the podcast) to talk about all the ways that people-pleasing has affected them and Kristen (as the sole non-people-pleaser in the room, Rachel had fun playing moderator!).
All four of us are trained coaches, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of challenges and struggles to work through when you’ve got the disease to please.
The four of us got into:
- Some of Stacy, Joanna, and Kristen’s earliest memories of people-pleasing, and their theories about what solidified the issue from a young age.
- How the disease to please negatively impacted their relationships, and how those relationships improved when they let go of the compulsion.
- Their advice for weathering the discomfort of not pleasing 24/7, and other strategies that helped them heal.
- The kind of joyful, radiant life that’s possible for you, and everyone you love, when you stop people-pleasing.
After you’ve listened, leave us a comment to let us know how this conversation resonated with you, and be sure to check out our past episode with Joanna about emotional constipation (from April 2018) and our past episode with Stacy about navigating a toxic workplace (from February 2019).
MORE ABOUT JOANNA
Joanna Platt is a life and relationship coach for high achievers who need space to feel their feelings, permission to put themselves first, and guidance on how to do it.
Through intuitive, deep coaching conversations that feel like heart-to-hearts, she’s here to help you quiet your inner critic and bring your best self to the surface so you can connect and contribute in both your work and home life.
When she’s not coaching, you can find her loving her husband Mike, reading multiple books at one time, and working in coffee shops in DC.
Meet Jo and get ready to go deep, feel your feelings, and get your sparkle back at joanna-platt.com.
MORE ABOUT STACY
Stacy Campesi is a certified professional coach and workshop facilitator. She is passionate about helping unfulfilled, overachieving professionals find career confidence and clarity.
Stacy loves working with smart, ambitious women who lead with heart and are so used to giving to others that can’t even recognize their own wants or needs without feeling selfish. By cutting through the uncertainty, self-doubt, and fear of disappointing others that holds them back, Stacy is able to help her clients make decisions that get them what they want, without compromising a thing!
Stacy is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coach Federation. She is also certified as an MBTI & Emotional Intelligence practitioner.
Find Stacy on her website, connect with her on LinkedIn, and listen to her nuggets of wisdom on Voxer @stacy_campesi.
GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!
Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!
- This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year.
- It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you’ll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts.
- There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories.
- This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it.
- Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We’re going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself.
- This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we’re going to hold you accountable for taking that action!
- By the end, we know you’ll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient.
Another fantastic and incredibly relatable podcast for me. My people-pleasing only shows up in romantic relationships and in some friendships with dominant personalities. One element that ive noticed is that the people pleasing comes from a trauma that creates a deep-seated fear of rejection and abandonment by that person. My own personal story of this is that in my present on/off relationship, I started the relationship very strong, voicing what I thought and being myself, and he punished me for this by dumping me suddenly, citing my ‘angry and protestor personality’ as a reason. He called me out on occasions when I had been attacked by someone and had in his words ‘created a scene’ (when really I was just standing up for myself). The shock of being dumped and criticised has sadly moulded me into a people pleaser with him, and he does indeed reward me for being placid and ‘nice’ and not rocking the boat. I know this isn’t a good situation as I end top feeling resentful, tense and anxious but at the same time it gives me what I crave- love from someone I want. Difficult.
Hey Maria,
It’s commendable that you’re so aware of this pattern within yourself! That’s the first step. My hope for you is that you will begin to believe that he is not the only possible source of love for you–romantic, or of any kind. That there are people out there who would appreciate you voicing your opinions and being strong. I’m always skeptical of men who prefer women who are quiet, nice, and won’t rock the boat. It says a lot about their character! And frankly, you deserve someone with a wonderful character, who’s not easily frightened off by a woman with something to say!
Thanks Rachel! yes I hope so too..need to work on it