Dear Krachel: How do I stop self-sabotaging?

self-sabotaging

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we’re answering questions from:

  • Sarah, who’s trying to eat better and get in shape, but keeps rebelling against even the most reasonable calorie limits that her nutritionist sets for her. How can she meet her goals without constantly rebelling and self-sabotaging?
  • Terece, who has energy vampires in her family that she can’t fully cut out of her life. How do you deal with toxic family members, especially when putting up boundaries with them often makes you feel worse?
  • Dheesha, whose long history of mental illness has made it much harder for her to succeed in traditional ways that come easy to other people — stellar grades, prestigious degree, steady resumé, etc. How does someone who isn’t neurotypical find a comfortable job that they enjoy, especially when they can’t afford to take time off or pay for expensive treatments?

After you’ve listened, leave us a comment below to let us know how our advice for these three listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our August episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!

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Bonus Book Club! Dodging Energy Vampires by Christiane Northrup, M.D. (May 2019)

Side Chat: We are not the crazy ones! (How to tell if you’re a highly sensitive person) (April 2018)

Blog: How to make your own Rules for Sane Living (August 2018)

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

We’re going to have a brand-new course later next month about getting over people pleasing!

It’s going to be fairly short and affordable, and will be more of a group-based program. We aren’t ready to share more info yet, but if you’d like to be kept in the loop so you don’t miss any updates, join this VIP list and we’ll be in touch with more info soon!

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12 Comments // ADD COMMENT

12 comments

  • Samantha

    The Gretchen Quiz you are referring to is ‘The Four Tendencies Quiz’ – interesting to hear Rachel is a rebel! I’m not actually that surprised considering you speak so often about your deep value for autonomy and no one ‘telling’ you how to spend your time – it’s a rare tendency type, so I always find it interesting to hear from rebels! 🙂

    She also has a book ‘The Four Tendencies’ that is also really interesting and a 4 Tendencies course, which I haven’t done but could be useful for people really wanting to understand their tendency.

    P.S – I adore Dear Krachel, in fact it’s one of my favourite podcasts you do – I would be devastated if you stopped doing them! Getting my question answered gave me so much insight and also inspired me to do the PPVE which I’m so glad I did 🙂

    • Rachel East

      Thank you for sharing the name of the quiz, Samantha! Being a rebel is interesting, because literally no one can hold me accountable, including myself! lol. I find that I have to be very intrinsically motivated, or it won’t happen.

      And thank you for the Dear Krachel love! I’m sure we’d never stop doing them! It’s always a really fun part of our month. 🙂

      • Samantha

        haha – sounds like a pure Rebel! In The 4 Tendencies book, Gretchen assigns a motto for each tendency and her Rebel one always makes me laugh:

        “You can’t make me, and neither can I” 😀

  • Audrey

    Dheesha,

    I can definitely relate to you. I did the short course almost 2 years ago, and although it did help some, I am still stuck. Anyway, everything you said in your question to Krachel is something I have gone through, and I am going through. Just want to let you know that you are not alone when it comes to mental illness, being unsure about life, etc. I hope you as well as me can have a breakthrough soon! Overall, I liked this podcast episode Krachel!

    Audrey

    • Rachel East

      Thanks for sharing your support with Dheesha, Audrey! We’re sorry that you’re going through the same kind of difficulties that Dheesha is going through. And we REALLY wish the world was gentler and kinder for highly sensitives and anyone struggling to find balance amidst mental health issues. But we believe a breakthrough is ALWAYS possible. And the fact that you keep diving back in to try to make your life better is a great indication of your tenacity and positive trajectory in life. It may be hard now, and it may have been hard for a while, but it doesn’t have to be hard forever. Keep on keeping on!

  • Sarah

    What a great episode!!! I also have a tendency to self-sabotage (though I’m an “obliger” from Gretchen Rubin’s quiz which is incredibly accurate) which is why I started the episode but with each question and answer you all gave I found myself nodding. I’m SUPER excited for the people-pleasing course!!

    • Rachel East

      So glad you liked this one, Sarah! And we’re pumped for the people pleasing course! Stay tuned this coming Tuesday for a new announcement about it. 😉

  • Mary

    I also love Dear Krachel. I always find something, and usually more than just one thing, applicable to me. Like the second question.. I have been dealing with a sister in law who I just don’t click with. I don’t know if the feeling is mutual or not, but it’s hard to be around her. Your advice to Terece made me realize that avoidance (my usual way of dealing with people who I find difficult) is probably not in my best interest. And Dheesha, I have had similar thoughts/challenges for my whole adult life too. You are not alone and your worth has nothing to to with what you do for a job or how many degrees you have(another piece of Krachel wisdom)! Thanks again Krachel for making my day brighter!

    • Rachel East

      Thanks for such a sweet message, Mary! As long as we have people like you listening, we’ll be delighted to keep doling out the goods. 😉

  • Natalie

    Ugh, I’m totally a rebel. It’s so annoying lol. I can’t do anything if I can’t see the purpose behind it. Doing something just for the sake of doing it is just not an option. I am the antithesis to the “it’s the way we’ve always done it” situations. I’ll do really well at getting myself to do things like an exercise program for months at a time, and then out of nowhere will just not be able to do it any longer. This typically happens when I start seeing real results which is the point when most people would feel motivated. It’s almost like I say “oh good, it’s working- I can stop now.” It’s ridiculous. Self-sabotage is my jam. So long story short, I feel ya Sarah. If you get it licked- let me know lol.

    • Rachel East

      Ha! Yes, this all feels very familiar to me, too. I guess one way to look at it is that it challenges our creativity, because we’re always having to come up with different ways to work with the rebellious streak, and come up with new ideas that we’ll actually be willing to stick with for a while! 😉