Dear Krachel: I’m tired of pretending like I care

tired of pretending

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself.

On this episode, we’re answering questions from:

  • Jade, a college sophomore who feels like she’s doing her college experience “wrong” by not being able to pick a major. Since she can’t decide, does it matter if she just picks something that has a lot of potential to make her good money after she graduates?
  • Nurse Grumpy, who’s so fed up with being a nurse that she feels like she’s lost all patience and compassion for the people she’s supposed to be helping. She’s tried therapy, job hopping, and taking time off, but nothing has cured her resentment. How can she find fulfillment again when, in all honesty, she’s tired of pretending like she cares?
  • Pissed Off, a 30-year-old with a partner of 4 years who is SO OVER people asking her when she’s going to get married. Why do people constantly feel the need to butt in to the life choices of others? And how does she figure out if she actually wants to get married, if people around her won’t shut up about it?

After you’ve listened, leave us a comment below to let us know how our advice for these three listeners resonated with you!

Want to submit a question for our March episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q!


Dear Krachel: All my friends are married. Why not me? (October 2018)

Dear Krachel: Should I trust my boyfriend’s words or his actions? (November 2018)

Dear Krachel: How do I recover from burnout? (January 2019)

Dear Krachel: Should I do a job I hate for a few years (for the money?) (March 2019)


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6 Comments // ADD COMMENT


  • Alyx

    I’ve been thinking about Jade’s dilemma, and, if she really does want to pursue a more creative/art/dance field down the line after college, then maybe something like a Marketing Degree might serve her in the long run – that way she has acquired some useful knowledge if she wants to play a key role in a creative company or just for starting her own.

    • Rachel East

      Good thought, Alyx! It’s helpful for Jade to keep in mind that creativity doesn’t always have to mean something overtly “artistic;” that there are a bunch of ways to be creative, and that marketing is one way that creative people find their outlet!

  • Megan

    I want Nurse Grumpy to know she is NOT alone in her feels. Having been a nurse for almost 10 years now, I absolutely can relate to how this nurse feels. We are told these feelings are Burnout, compassion fatigue, or we should work smarter not harder (like it’s OUR fault this is happening)- it’s B.S. We are suffering from Moral Injury- and it is caused by the failures of our broken health care system. Doctors and nurses are being forced to work against our deeply-rooted moral intuitions to provide compassionate care to human beings and choose profits over patients day after day. It is destroying many health care workers. When I First started working as a nurse it felt like being sucker punched each time I made a decision or used my nursing judgement based on my training that best advocated for my patient and their well-being and was told by those in leadership roles how to better handle the situations in the future, even though I did what was right. What I finally decided to do was return to school for my MSN- I plan to teach and start working in Health Policy to try and do my part to change the system from a different angle. If Nurse Grumpy doesn’t want to return to school or completely change careers there are lots of options that do not involve patient care at all. I wish Nurse Grumpy a happy future in whatever direction she/he chooses.

    • Rachel East

      Thank you for validating Nurse Grumpy, Megan! It breaks my heart that such compassionate, well-intentioned people get so beat down in an industry that’s meant to be about healing, caring, and helping. Good for you for trying to make it better!

  • Sacha

    Hi Krachel,

    I just finished listening to the ‘Nurse Grumpy’ part of this episode and couldn’t help but laugh out loud! I feel similar to Nurse Grumpy professionally *and* have just been through a crazy year of events in my personal life that have me reeling from whiplash. I had a (not planned) fling with a hot Brazilian (younger) man, have begun to reconnect with my transcendental meditation practice (with the help of the RAIN method by Tara Brach) and am considering taking a trip to Morocco by myself this spring to wander around and try to “find” myself. While I’m not (yet) going to Italy, India or Indonesia, I feel that my journey in its own way mirrors that of Liz Gilbert.

    I laughed out loud when you encouraged Nurse Grumpy to go on a profesional Eat, Pray, Love quest! To Nurse Grumpy I say, welcome to the club, and it could be worse. To me it seems that you have the courage to tackle this situation head-on and that you are not being reactive to what life throws at you, but instead are proactively trying things to help you feel better. Baby steps my friend. It isn’t easy but it is worth it and you CAN do this.

    Best of luck,

    • Rachel East

      Hey Sacha,

      I love that you’re on your own Eat, Pray, Love journey, complete with a fling with a hot Brazilian! You’re winning at life, lol! And I agree that the most important thing is that Nurse Grumpy has the wisdom to be proactive, rather than reactive. Thank you for sharing your story with her!